Let the records show..
" Your not just raising your son,
your raising somebody's husband and father."
" Its a boy!" I know those words well. I have heard them four times over. Each time, the same, each time different. If that makes any sense.
Boston, my first. I never want to forget those sweet baby cries, the look on your dads face and the tears rolling down. You are like no other, your my safe spot. My comfort. You made me a momma, you changed me forever.
Rhys, the key to my heart. My sweeter than sweet boy. You roll out of bed each morning and come in for the cuddle. You sweep the hair away from my eyes and tell me I am beautiful, that you love me. Your love is like non other.
Forrest, my wild thing. Your flowing locks, your witty smile, your milky soft skin. I literally can't even handle the sight of you without melting. You have always had the most go with the flow personality. You crave adventure and that has made my mom heart sing.
Romeo, my love. My baby. Im trying to lock in all your sweet details. I figure if I keep my eyes locked on you when you coo at me, or give me a huge smile, I won't miss a thing.
I have four boys. Four unique and totally individual boys. I get the comments often.
"Oh four boys".
"you must have your hands full" ,
and the "I guess your going to give up trying for a girl"
You see, I actually find it a bit humorous that I have four boys. Since I feel like I have spent my entire life surrounded by boys. From growing up with brothers, to friends on the street. I also have a distinct memory of going to my first day of grade 3 and sitting beside a friend that I had grown up with on the "boys side" of the classroom because it was my first day at that school. Well this small little blonde girl ( who still to this day is my best friend) marched right up to me and told me I was on the wrong side of the class and should be sitting by her. All my life. Always surrounded by boys. So it just makes sense that my adult years wouldn't be any different.
So when I was pregnant with Forrest, I decided to find out what we were having. I felt in my heart of hearts I already knew he was a boy, but I needed to know for sure. I needed to prepare for my last " baby" to be a boy. Because 3 boys wasn't my life plan. I always wanted one girl and two boys. Yup thats right, I just typed that out. It wasn't apart of MY plan. But life is interesting right? God always has a way better plan in store for you that you can even imagine.
So Brian and I sat in that cold ultrasound room, and found out that we were having a boy. And I froze for a minute, or maybe two. "Sorry, excuse me ultrasound lady" I thought in my head, " you mean Im going to have 3 boys?!" ( little did I know I was actually going to have four)
We walked out of that ultrasound room, laughing, and maybe more of a in shock laugh. How is that even possible? 3 boys? How are we going to do this? I feel like finding out what forrest was literally the best decision I ever made. ( okay that might be a bit dramatic, but it was close) Because it allowed me to grieve. It allowed to me wrap my head around my pretty little ideal world that I had created for myself not coming true. I feel terrible typing those words out, but its true.
There would be no ponies with my bestie and her girl. No cute little girl sun dresses. No pink in my laundry baskets.
After a couple months of allowing myself to feel all the emotions of what this entailed, I pulled up my big girl panties and moved on. I moved on from the thoughts of what I thought life should be like, and decided to focus on what was right infront of me. I decided to soak in every freaking second of it. I don't want my boys to think, they were never enough. Because thats far from the truth. I would never. Ever. EVER replace them for a girl.
And on January 26th, when our doctor said the words "Brian are you ready" I felt like I already knew the answer to what they were going to say.... Those same three words I had hear before. "Its a boy."
And you know what? I might not get to ride ponies with a daughter. Which would have been easy for me. But I want to be apart of my boys life. I want to be apart of it now, and when they are teens and when they are adults. I will not let our "interests" or "gender" get in the way of that. Just because I can't go shopping with them, doesn't mean I can't have that same relationship with them, it just means it will be different. I might have to get a bit dirty, okay maybe a lot dirty. Brian is already planning the dirt bike I need to get. Wish me luck.
So Boston, Rhys,Forrest and Romeo. This momma loves you. All of you. Each in unique and different ways. I am so thankful I get to be here to watch you grow, to watch you change, and to hold on for the wild ride that is four boys ahead.